I failed in everything

Its been ages since I last updated my blog.....I've been feeling down in everything I do....I feel the sadness...the terrible sadness I have to endure for the past few months...Are we really into EMO trend? I guess most of us are....

Today ...eh... not only today...for the past few months...we are short of manpower, and shortage of manpower was never in the eyes of the management. Why have I to endure so much load..every thing have move to quardrant one of my life....everything was or is urgent to them. What about me? No one bother to meet on deadlines...I was running out of time and patient with customers. Every issue was a hell....its not bug, and they are all so called human created errors and errors created was fantastic and I myself doesn't know how they triggered it....

Roadshow just less than a week away, every things seems to be in a mess...data still not fully up, testing is still halfway done, setup is still messy.... I wished I had more pairs of hands to do everything myself. I dont have to go round begging for things I want, I dont have to go round pushing for submission...I am really really tired....

Been so called devoted to my work and I neglected my kids. They so called come home to sleep. I didnt even spend any quality time with them. Today, I laid my hands down on Wayne...and thats the saddest thing I had done on him. The moment I stepped into the house..the usual complained from my sister that Wayne keeps throwing tantrum, keep screaming, keep fighting. Without hesitation, I took the came to wack him...Brought him to the room and wack him again....I knew he was sorry....But I just cannot controlled myself to stop hitting him.

On my way home, I think back...did i wacked him too hard, did i overdo it? As I was thinking, my tears really fell...drip by drip...I felt so sorry for him....sorry for hitting him so hard...sorry for uncontrollably venting my anger right at him. I had a talk with him when I reached home, told him abt his mischief and ensure mummy still loves him alot though mummy punished him for his action. He was so happy that I didnt left him at nanny house, he was smiling away after I ensured him....Kids are afterall kids..they forget things easily...How I wished I could be like them.

God please continue to guide me...I need more times with my kids....distance me from every other things except my kids...